


Missing Pieces

by Weevilo707



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Episode: e060-066 The Stolen Century Parts 1-7, F/M, Grieving, Temporary Character Death, a look at cycles where each one of the trio loses the other two
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-04
Updated: 2018-01-04
Packaged: 2019-01-08 23:37:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,622
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12264411
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Weevilo707/pseuds/Weevilo707
Summary: The cycles where only two of them died were always the worst.





	1. Barry

The worst cycles were the ones where only two of them died. 

They hadn’t intended to become a trio, but despite the twin’s surprise Barry just sorta slotted right in with them. It felt like it shouldn’t have worked as well as it did. The person they had first met during IPRE training had been nervous and shy and so outwardly a huge dork it was ridiculous. He was aware of that fact, and had accepted it. None of that had changed when the world ended and they all ended up on some planet ruled by animals. When Taako and Lup had said they were going to learn the language here Barry excitedly grabbed a notebook and asked to join. He wanted to learn about this world and that was the perfect way. 

They let him tag along, because he was amusing to tease and watching him flinch away from the cute little mongooses was hilarious. That’s all he was though, something amusing and distracting and someone willing to actually do the work of writing shit down for them. 

Except then one day when they three were about to head out, Barry took a deep breath. Pulling out a bottle of fucking whisky from nowhere, he downed the thing before demanding they ‘let him at those mongooses. Fuck it he’s gonna _pet one_ today and nothing was gonna stop him.’ 

Taako and Lup had shared a look then and they hadn’t needed to say anything to know they were both thinking the exact same thing. 

This nerd was hilarious and ridiculous and he was _theirs_ now. 

And that’s how it was after that. The apocalypse came and went and came again and again and again. It was strange how close you got to people when they were the only thing you could be sure would still exist in a year. 

Barry had admired the twins since he first met them. They were a force of personality that seemed unstoppable, beautiful and clever and so much more intelligent than they tried to let on. He’d thought they’d be impossible to approach, and there was a way in which they were. Despite that, he somehow found himself with them again and again, year after year. It made sense, they were co-workers, the three of them were the most adept at the magic that could help them through this endless journey. It only made sense to work together on this. 

But it was becoming more than that. Conversations about work and magic and the light shifted to talking about their lives and what ridiculous things were on whatever world they were in at the time and ‘what do you mean you’ve never had a real quiche before Barold? What no that’s not a quiche that’s a cheesy rice casserole there aren’t even eggs in it holy fuck study time is over. Kitchen _now.’_

It was nice. Having the twins around was nice. Barry had never had siblings, but he was starting to feel like he had a brother now with Taako. And Lup. 

Lup was just. 

Yeah. 

He’d gotten used to having the two of them around. More than used to, he enjoyed it. Looked forward to spending time with them. The nervousness he’d originally felt around the two unapproachable, beautiful elves faded with time. It faded with each time he saw Lup fallen asleep at the table, having got too caught up in some project and left drooling over important research. And it faded each time he managed to get Taako to burst into an inelegant laugh, one time when he was drinking and he had to hold a hand up over his face as juice dripped all over him and he swore about cutting the legs off of all Barry’s pants between bursts of laughter. 

Despite how close he’d gotten to the two though, Barry wasn’t surprised when one cycle he was left alone. 

Their mission was dangerous, it was only to be expected that sometimes more than one person would die in a cycle. Taako and Lup were a set too, and even though no one had said it out loud, everyone had figured that the first time one of them died would be the first time both of them had. 

It was almost six months into the cycle. Nearly halfway over Barry had to keep reminding himself. They’d be back before he even knew it. 

It was one of the first times someone had died before they were running to escape though, and so at that moment six months felt like an eternity. 

They had finally managed to find the light of creation. It had fallen in a range of craggy, black mountains. Lucretia, Merle and Davenport had elected to stay back at the ship while the other four, Lup, Taako, Barry and Magnus scaled the jagged rocks to retrieve the light. 

The journey up had actually been uneventful, almost pleasant. They had to watch their steps, as the stones were more like broken glass or knives, so they made falling a bitch, but after a while they got a decent rhythm. 

It was when they finally reached the light that problems began. Magnus had rushed forward to grab it from where it was sitting on top of a shiny black column, and the next thing Barry knew they were surrounded by what seemed like _hundreds_ of earth elementals, all made of the same jagged black material as the mountain. 

Somehow, Magnus managed to grab the light. Barry and the twins burned through spell after spell, trying to get them all out of there. Magnus tried to fight too, but every hit with his axe or his fist sent shards flying back at him. 

They got out of the encampment of earth elementals, but there was a whole goddamn mountain to go down now. And then they heard it. 

Barry wasn’t sure what the elementals had done, but it looked like the whole top of the mountain was falling towards them. 

“Lup, I’m outta spells here,” he remembered Taako saying, sounding breathless and in pain. When Barry looked back, the elf was doubled over his sister, both of them bleeding and clinging to each other to stay upright. Barry knew he and Magnus weren’t in any better shape. He didn't know how they were going to get out of this. 

He remembered watching as Lup looked at them and then looked at the encroaching wall of black dust and stones. “No worries, I got it covered,” she’d said, and the next thing Barry knew a shimmering sphere enclosed around him and Magnus. 

“What? Why are we in a bubble?” Magnus asked, exhausted and confused, the light still held tight in his arms. It dawned on Barry a second too late what was happening. A resilient sphere. 

“Lup, Taako, no what are you doing?” he asked in a panic. The avalanche was nearly deafening at this point, he almost didn’t hear the answer. 

“Get the light back and don’t go starving while we’re gone,” Lup said, smiling despite the blood caked on her face and the way her legs were shaking. 

Barry didn’t have a chance to say anything else. No one did. He could only watch in horror as the twins disappeared in an instant in the dust, the avalanche slamming into the side of the bubble next, pushing them roughly down to the base of the mountain before the rocks finally stopped and the spell came to an end. 

Magnus was up on his feet in an instant, but Barry couldn’t do anything but sit there, his entire body shaking.

They were gone. They’d be back but they were _gone._

“Barry, fuck Barry are you listening to me? We gotta go back! They might still be up there!” Magnus was yelling, and he’d only just noticed. Slowly he got to his feet, not bothering to remove any of the sharp blades of stone jabbed in him. They could have Merle look at them when they got back. 

“Let’s head back to the ship,” he said simply, trying to ignore the enraged look on Magnus’s face. 

“Barry, what the fuck? They might need our help!” he yelled but Barry shook his head. 

“They’re dead. Lup said to get the light back, we’ll see them next year,” he said, starting to walk back. Who knew if the earth elementals would try and come look for the light now that they thought they were dead. They had to get out of there. 

“But…” he could tell Magnus wanted to argue, but there was nothing to argue. There was no way for them to have survived. 

“We’ll see them next year,” Barry repeated. He kept repeating it, over and over again in his head. Next year. Next year. Next year. 

The walk back to the ship was silent and slow and painful. The three relieved faces that greeted them when they got back with the light in hand quickly shifted to horror at their state and the distinct lack of half their party. 

They’d see them next year. 

Only six months away. 

They’d saved this world, and they’d be back soon. 

There was a part of Barry that bitterly wanted to leave the light behind, that didn’t want to save this world that had taken away those bright, wonderful elves. Took the two who were always so full of life and energy and magic and left them broken and crushed and empty on the side of some damned mountain. 

But no, even if Taako would have probably joked along with the idea, Lup would have been furious to know he’d even considered it. Besides, it was what they died trying to do, and Barry could at the very least pull his weight and see it through to the end. 

Goddamn though, if those six months didn’t feel like six years. 

It wasn’t like he didn’t get on well with everyone else on the ship, not at all. Both Davenport and Lucretia were a delight to be around, especially when Barry needed a break and felt like talking to someone with some sense. Merle, as odd as he was sometimes, had become like a father to him in a lot of ways. Magnus had become like a younger brother to everyone on the crew (although his usual humor wasn’t quite there in those remaining months. No one needed to ask why, and if Barry saw him come back more than once, covered in black dust and cuts, he didn’t tell). 

None of that changed the facts though, and those facts were that he’s gotten so much closer to the twins than he’d even realized and he wanted them _back_ already. It was impossible to do anything without being reminded of them and their absence. 

He tried to research the light, but the silence in the lab was overwhelming without Lup beside him, so instead he took what research he could to his room. He ate less, because even though Lup had said not to starve while they were gone, it felt wrong to be in the kitchen without Taako leaning over his shoulder, critiquing his food choices while he ate cereal directly out of the box. At least with the reset they’d never know how much weight he’d lost. 

The end of the world couldn’t come soon enough. 

When it finally did Barry found himself more anxious than he had in a long time, even compared to the cycles where they hadn’t gotten the light. 

They were coming back. They were coming back. Oh gods, what if they didn’t come back? 

Not ten seconds after he had that thought, they were breaking free of this planar system and white threads of light shifted them all back to their recorded positions. Barry watched with a flood of relief as the white threads coalesced into the forms of the twins, the two nervously having a hand on each other as they always started out. 

It was dumb, he knew they were coming back, but before they could even let go of each other Barry had an arm around each of them. Bear hugs were more Magnus’s deal than his, but he didn’t care. 

“Haha, whoa Barold, what you miss us or something?” Lup asked, and god it was so good to hear her voice again, not pained and hiding fear like the last time she’d spoken. 

“I mean can you blame him? I’d miss us too,” Taako joked. Barry pulled away after another moment, sure his face was beat red with embarrassment. 

“Sorry, I- welcome back,” he stuttered out after a moment, not sure what else to say. Taako shrugged, looking awkward and uncomfortable with the obvious care. Lup smiled at him, hey eyes soft in a way that made Barry’s heart practically melt. 

It wasn’t the last time both twins would leave him alone. They were more often than not a packaged deal after all. It never got any easier, if anything it just got worse as somehow Barry found himself getting even closer with them. As they truly became his brother and his love. 

The rest of the crew was always good about giving them a moment when the twins returned for Barry to give them a hug and welcome his family back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I got inspired to write some Angst. Taako Lup and Barry are my favorite family and I needed to write more with them. We know from canon how well they do when they're split up, and the chances of at least two of them dying in any given cycle before lup and barry do the lich thing is real high. 
> 
> Also I, like Barry, didn't know or realize what a real quiche was until i was like 22 and in college because we always just made this cheesy rice and chicken dish and called it a quiche for some reason?? I didn't know it was like some sorta egg pie. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed


	2. Taako

The worst part by far was that Taako hadn’t even been there, all because he’d been taking a _fucking nap._

It was still early in the year, about four months in. The current world seemed calm, the small settlements that were there few and far between, closed off from each other by huge oceans. They’d been lucky and got a pretty decent look at the light when it’d fallen to the planet so they were actually able to triangulate it pretty fast. He wasn’t surprised so much as annoyed when Lup had burst into his room, announcing they’d found it. 

“It’s on top of this cool fucking ocean tower thing, we’re gonna head out now to grab it. Wanna come with bro?” she asked. Taako didn’t bother with words, just groaning and rolling away, pulling the pillow up over his head for good measure. They didn’t need to sleep sure, but waking up was still a horrible experience. 

“Yeah, alright lazy bones, I get the picture. See you soon,” she said, getting up off the bed and walking away. Taako had made another wordless grumble as a goodbye and fallen swiftly back to sleep. 

He was awake and making dinner when Merle and Magnus finally came back. Without the light and without Lup and Barry. Merle actually looked worried and Magnus’s eyes were red from obvious tears. Taako stood in silence as they explained what had happened. 

There’d been some sort of magic barrier around the sea spire. Barry had managed to pretty easily dimension door him and Lup to the other side though, and they’d watched as the two carefully made their way up to the top. Nothing seemed too dangerous, the magical guards that were inside the pair of wizards destroyed with ease.

When they got up to the top and grabbed the light though the whole thing just. Collapsed. The stones crumbled underneath them and the water rushed up and when it was all over there was nothing. Just empty ocean stretching down for miles. The light was gone and Lup and Barry were gone and this world was doomed and they still had _eight fucking months_ before it ended. 

He hadn’t said a word when Magnus finally finished explaining the whole story. Instead he walked over to the stove, turning the burners off because if he didn’t no one would and the whole fucking ship would burn down, and turned to head back to his room. He ignored the concerned way Merle and Magnus called after him. He went straight back to his room and locked the door behind him. 

Once the door was shut he slumped back against it, letting himself collapse to the floor. He wasn’t sure when he’d started shaking that bad. Was that why they sounded so worried? Fuck, he didn’t care. He could barely fucking breath as his brain kept tripping itself over that one fact. 

Eight months. Eight fucking months without Lup or Barry. Lup had only died before the end of the year without him once before, and he’d only had to last a few weeks that time. He had Barold with him then too, and as much as he’d never admit it that had helped. A lot. 

Barry had died by himself a couple of cycles back, two months before the end. Dork had been trying to build something that could track the light by combining technology with the magic of the world they’d been on at the time and blew himself up. That had been rougher than Taako liked to think about. It hadn’t hit him and Lup how much their life had adjusted to having Barry in it until he was gone, but they managed. They could still fall back into just the two of them, as aware as they were of the absence now. It was horrible and left an unpleasant pit in their stomachs, but they could do it.

Fuck though, they’d barely even _started_ this year. He’d never been away from Lup for that long, he didn’t want to start now. Not when he didn’t even have that fucking dork that had somehow become his best friend to fall back on either. It was the earliest in a year they’d ever lost anyone, and it just had to be _them._ Those fucking assholes had to go and leave him the fuck alone like he could even _survive_ that shit. 

Technically, he guessed he didn’t have to. He could just. Fucking. Fast-forward to the end, right then and there. Lup would be pissed at him but they’d have to understand, right? It was too long, Taako wasn’t fucking built to be alone like that. It wasn’t like he wouldn’t come back, and this goddamn miserable world was doomed now anyway, what was even the _point_ of sticking around? 

“Taako? Hey buddy, you okay in there? Like, totally understand if you need some time and space and shit, but just wanted to make sure you were like, cool,” Magnus’s voice came from the other side of the door. He sounded genuinely worried, like if he said the wrong thing Taako would just _break._

Sighing, Taako took a moment before pushing himself back up to his feet. Taking a deep breath, he quickly assessed himself. The shaking was down, although not completely gone. No tears, that was good. He was kind of surprised he hadn’t cried at all, but it was probably shock. Crying wouldn’t help shit anyway. Deciding he could pass as normal enough, he opened the door. 

“It’s all good boychik, just needed a sec, ya know how it is,” he said easily, pushing past the other to head back towards the kitchen. Magnus looked confused as fuck as he followed after him, but Taako ignored that.

“Uh, okay? I mean yeah no I understand. Are you like, sure you’re alright though?” he asked, still sounding all worried and shit. It wasn’t what Taako wanted right now at all. 

“Yeah, I mean, it’s not like it’s a big deal right? They’ll be back in less than a year,” Taako said, turning the heat back on the stove. Hopefully nothing got too ruined by him leaving it half cooked like that for a while. 

“I guess you’re right about that, yeah. Just uh, know that you can always talk to any of us if you need to,” Magnus said, and Taako nodded absently. 

He could stick it out for a bit. If it got too much, well, they both knew how well Taako did on his own. They could be pissed all they wanted but they were the ones who left him. 

Fuck, was it tempting to just get it over with as soon as possible though, especially with all the sad looks everyone was always giving him now. Still, he could ignore a lot of things, he could block this shit out and pretend things were fine. 

He could ignore the way Magnus asked every day how he was doing, and the way Merle offered him ingredients from his garden while actually sparing him details of the growing process. He could ignore the way Cap’n Port would ask for his help on simple tasks he didn’t actually need help with just to give Taako something to do, and he could ignore Lucretia’s attempts to talk to him about literally anything but Lup and Barry’s absence. 

It was fine. _He_ was fine, he didn’t need any extra coddling just because Lup and Barry were gone for a little bit. 

Gods, he hated this. 

It was taking _forever._ There was nothing to do to pass the time either. They couldn’t get the light, so there was no distracting himself with that. He didn’t cook anymore than the crew needed him to. It felt wrong to cook alone. No one was supposed to cook alone, that was just common sense. 

And no matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t fucking sleep. 

He’d been sleeping when they left. If he was awake he could’ve gone with them. Lup was almost as rush in as Magnus, but they balanced each other out that way. If he’d been with them he might’ve noticed the trap or whatever the fuck made the tower fall. Or at the very least, he wouldn’t have been left waiting alone. 

He wasn’t used to sleeping alone anyway. He and Lup had their own rooms on the starblaster and all, but they usually ended up passing out in one or the other anyway. Sometimes in Barry’s room more recently. 

Taako hadn’t stepped foot in either room since they left. He didn’t know how he’d react and he didn’t want to fucking risk it. 

Fucking hell, he was pathetic. They’d be _back._ It wasn’t a big deal. 

But he couldn’t sleep. He barely meditated, just enough to appear mostly functional, and even then sometimes that was pushing it. And staying awake all the time made the days feel even longer and god this year was never going to fucking end. 

“Hey Taako? You wanna go on a supply run?” Magnus asked, and Taako barely managed to keep himself from jolting. He needed to pay more attention, Magnus wasn’t exactly a quiet person, he shouldn’t have been surprised by that. 

“Yeah, sure thing my dude,” he said, pushing himself up from the table he’d been sitting at. He’d had the intention of eating, and there was less food on his plate than when he started out, but he couldn’t \remember actually putting any of it in his mouth. 

It was quiet as they walked to the nearest little village to buy shit. Taako didn’t look at the wide ocean spread out to the right. He normally loved the ocean, but some dumb part of his brain kept worrying that he’d see two red robes drifting out there if he looked too long. It’d been months now, they definitely weren’t finding anything. 

“Hey uh, so,” Magnus started, breaking the nice silence they had before. He sounded uncertain, so this conversation was definitely going to be horrible. 

“What’s eatin ya boychik?” he asked, trying to keep the conversation light. He had a feeling it was a futile effort though. 

“Oh, nothing much. Just uh, hey, could we talk?” he asked and Taako had to keep himself from groaning. 

“Pretty sure that’s what we’re doing,” he said. 

“Yeah I know but like, look dude, we’re all really worried about you. Everyone deals with grief differently and that’s cool but it kinda seems like you’re trying to not deal with it at all,” Magnus said, and god damn it. This was a fucking trap, wasn’t it? 

“There’s nothing to grieve _about._ They’ll be back in like, five months. This isn’t permanent,” Taako said. It was temporary. He could survive on his own until then. He was fine. 

“Right, they will be, but this still sucks man. We _all_ miss them, you don’t have to go through it alone,” Magnus said. Taako considered turning around and heading back to the ship. 

“It’s different,” he ended up saying, his voice tense. Of course they all missed Lup, anyone with half a fucking brain would be upset with her gone. They weren’t missing a whole half of themselves though, they didn’t _understand._

“You weren’t this bad last time. I know it wasn’t as long but fuck Taako it’s like you’re dead too!” Magnus said, sounding that kind of super worried angry he got sometimes. It was really pissing him off. He didn’t need them freaking out about him and shit. It would be _better_ if he actually was dead along with them. 

“It was three fucking weeks that time and this is eight goddamn months okay! And I don’t even have my brother with me now, they’re _both_ gone okay so excuse me if I’m not exactly chipper!” he snapped. He didn’t want to talk about this, he wanted to ignore the fact that it was even happening. 

When he looked back at Magnus the dude was just staring at him for some reason. He looked confused until something seemed to click and Taako had no idea what was going on in that head of his. 

“Wait, did you just call Barry your brother?” he asked, and wait. Shit. Fuck. 

“No?” he could only kind of remember what he’d said, and that might’ve been a thing but he was really hoping it wasn’t. 

“Aw, dude,” Magnus said, sounding all concerned and soft. Yeah, nope, that was enough of that. Taako spun right around, fuck the supply run Magnus could do it himself. 

“Going back to the ship,” he said sharply, not slowing any if he tried to catch up with him. Thankfully that didn’t seem to be the case, and he got back without anyone stopping him. He went straight to his room, locking himself inside and collapsing on the bed that he barely used anymore. 

Fuck all of that. 

He didn’t need their pity. He could manage on his own. He was fine. 

He was-

He…

_Fuck,_ he missed them. 

He didn’t know how to be a person without Lup. Neither of them could function all that well by themselves, but Lup was always the one better at it. Taako was a mess, a fucking disaster who couldn’t open up to people properly except he finally had but Barry was gone too and he was _alone._

He cared about the rest of the crew. They were important to him, and if he was gonna be stuck on a ship traveling the planes with anyone he was glad it was these bozos. 

But it was different. This was different and he hated it. 

Taako spent the most of the rest of the year locked in his room. He came out to feed people so they knew he was still alive, but that was it. He didn’t know how to be a person without his heart, and frankly he didn’t want to learn by himself. 

There wasn’t any panicked rush to get out of the plane when the hunger finally name. There wasn’t any saving this world, they just had to get out and try better next time. Taako had barely left his room for the past month. He wanted it to be fucking over with already. 

Taako was never more thankful that the light reformed them exactly as they’d been when they first left, because he already had a hand on Lup before they were even fully formed. As soon as he could move he collapsed into her, wrapping both arms tight around her because _fuck._ Lup didn’t say anything, just hugging him back. After a moment Taako reached over to where Barry always reformed and pulled him in as well, because they were both assholes who went and left him on his own for nearly a whole goddamn year. 

“Hate you both,” he mumbled after fuck knew how long. Lup laughed at that and fuck he missed her laugh. He missed everything about her and he could barely think with them finally back. 

“Sorry bro, shit kinda went completely fucking pear shaped real fast,” she said. 

“Eight _months,”_ he stressed, because he still couldn’t believe he’d even lasted that long. He didn’t think he would. 

“Sorry,” Barry said after another moment, and he actually sounded sorry and fuck Taako hoped Magnus wouldn’t rat him out about the whole brother thing. It wasn’t even wrong but that was just more reason for Barry to never know. 

Somehow throughout the whole eight months they’d been gone, Taako hadn’t cried. Crying would mean admitting that something was wrong in the first place and he couldn’t deal with that without them. 

He was crying now though, because he had them back and that year had been horrible and he hated it and he never wanted to be alone like that again. 

Taako didn’t remember when he fell asleep, but after eight months of practically no rest whatsoever he wasn’t surprised that he did. When he woke up, he was in his room and there was a half a second of panic before he realized Lup and Barry were still there, the three of them practically piled on top of each other. They were both passed out as well, and Taako breathed a sigh of relief before settling back down to get some more sleep. He was still so fucking exhausted. 

Taako knew there were precious few people who he cared about. It was limited to the seven people on this ship, and limited even more beyond that to the two who could make him an actual person. 

With so little that actually mattered, one would think he could manage on his own. 

But Taako was not meant to be alone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Taako is incredibly codependent and somehow managed to make this chapter even more angsty than the first one. He appreciates everything the rest of the crew was trying to do to help him a lot more after the fact, it's just in the moment he's not good at dealing with shit.
> 
> The funnest part of this fic is thinking of how the duos manage to off themselves. 
> 
> As always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoy!


	3. Lup

The thing about Lup was, she was already used to being the strong one. 

It wasn’t any knock on Taako, he had his things. He was intelligent and cunning and tricky. He kept them going from the day to day, hour to hour, minute to minute. All details and fine tuned and loopholes. 

Lup was the one to give them a trajectory for all of that. She had the end in sight, Taako just made sure to find the means. She kept them from losing the big picture for all of Taako’s details, kept it so he couldn’t cut out all emotions calling them excess fat. 

And when they took blows, the bad ones, the ones that would cut through Taako’s meticulously constructed shield, she was the one that was strong. She was the one who would bounce ahead, fire blazing, while Taako hung back, carefully picking up every little bit of his shield and building it back up even thicker than before. That was how he dealt with things. As long as she made sure he kept it thin enough in the right places, didn’t lock out his family or lock in his ability to care, it was alright. She was the strong one between the two of them, she could handle the rest. He was her heart, and she needed to protect him, give him time to recover.

The nice thing with Barry though was that she _didn’t_ have to be the strong one in those moments, at least not entirely. She wouldn’t let him take it all on his shoulders either though. There was a balance there, one Lup wasn’t sure she’d ever had before. 

She was pretty well fucking aware at this point that she was in love with the dork. She knew it, Taako knew it, hell, _Barry_ might even know it. She wanted to tell him, probably should get it over with. It was stupid, but she wanted to wait for the right time.

You only get to confess to your soulmate once after all, she wanted it to be perfect. Barry _deserved_ perfection. 

Lup wasn’t sure when that moment would be, but it sure as fuck wouldn’t be this cycle. 

This cycle was about as far from perfect as she could get.

But, she was the strong one. She’d always been the strong one and Taako and Barry had both survived cycles without her before. She’d be fine. 

Fuck, if she didn’t hate absolutely everything about it though. 

It’d started pretty average, a cold and icy world where they’d only managed to catch a small glimpse of the light as it streaked down into the plane. After a hell of a lot of searching they’d managed to pin point it to two mountains, but from that point on they couldn’t figure out which it landed on. Pretty easy solution, half of them go one way, half of them go the other.

Lup had followed Cap’n’port up one mountain with Taako and Barry, while Lucretia, Merle, and Magnus had gone to the other. If they went a week without finding anything they were all to head back to the ship to regroup. 

After six days that’s what Lup figured they were going to end up doing. 

And then Davenport had managed to find signs of the light, and Lup felt her spirits pick back up. They managed to find a cave, because of course it was in a cave, and the four had started in. They’d expected to find something up here with the light, probably elementals, if they were real unlucky maybe a white dragon. 

They didn’t expect it to just be one person. At first glance they looked maybe fey or elven, but there was no denying the elemental nature to them after a second look. Definitely a Genasi.

They’d tried to talk for about all of twenty seconds before the asshole went and summoned several ice golems to attack them. The Genasi stuck back by the light, hurling spells at them whenever they got too close.

Lup hadn’t seen why, he’d been all the way back near the entrance of the chamber they were in, holding back for a means of escape. For some reason though, she’s only seen the Genasi’s eyes shoot back at Barry, a snarl on their face as they hurled a spell back at him. Lup wasn’t sure what it was exactly unless she saw Barry fall to his knees, screaming in absolute _terror._

“Fuck, Barry!” Lup shouted, about to run back for him. When she looked back on this moment she wish she had. But before she could move Taako already was. 

“On it, just take care of blasting that fuck,” he said, and before she could blink he'd cast dimension door to go back to Barry. So Lup did what he said, sending scorching rays and fireballs at the Genasi while Davenport kept the golems off of her. She could still hear Barry broken in fear, Taako fighting to keep several of the ice monsters off of him. 

“Come on Barold, get a fucking hold of yourself, it’s just some phantasmal killer, it ain’t _real,”_ Taako insisted as he narrowly managed to dodge an attack. He was fighting hard to protect Barry, furious to keep him safe in a way she wasn't used to seeing from him for anyone but the two of them. 

Lup knew she should’ve been paying attention to her own fight. She was supposed to listen to Taako, he was the smart one. 

Instead, she was caught off guard by another golem sinking out from the wall and slamming into her. Wasn’t able to do anything when that motherfucker sent a burning spray of colors crashing back at Taako and Barry. She heard Davenport shout, saw Taako frantically attempt a counterspell that fizzled against the strong magic. Heard Barry, sounding shaken and confused as he came out of the phantasmal terror.

“Taako?” he asked, and it sounded like he was going to say more, but then the ray hit the two of them. 

And then Lup saw her brother and her best friend broken on the ground, jutting spikes of ice shooting through both of them.   
And then Lup saw nothing but red. 

She was aware that she’d lost control there afterwards. It was obvious in the fact that they’d barely managed to grab the light and Taako and Barry’s bodies before the entire ice cave came crashing down around them from the amount of ice she’d melted in her blaze. 

They were just bodies though. With the rage gone and nothing left for her to destroy Lup didn’t know what to do. 

“Lup, I’m _so sorry,”_ Davenport said, sounding genuinely heartbroken about the situation. She knew he was, she knew how much they all cared for each other at this point. Davenport took an extra layer of responsibility onto himself for their safety as their captain.

“It’s okay,” she managed, forcing herself to stand up and look away. Her voice sounded hallow and broken despite her best efforts, but she tried not to let that show in any other way. There was nothing she could do at this point, they needed to get back to the Starblaster and wait out the rest of the year. She could be strong about this, it was only four months. That was half of the time Taako had to go without her, and she was the one who was supposed to be able these sorts of things. 

Her and Davenport managed to get back to the ship, and a day later the other group arrived. Their excitement at the recovered light was short lived at the news of Taako and Barry. 

“Lup? Are you okay?” Magnus asked, concern lacing his voice. 

“Yeah no, left that fucker as a goddamn puddle underneath a pile of ice, took out a hell of a lot of steam,” she told them. It was fine. It sucked, she already missed them both so much it ached, but she’d get through it. She had the rest of her friends with her. Her _family,_ and she’d have Taako and Barry back before she knew it.

She was fine. 

That night when she was cooking dinner and let a bowl go crashing to the ground, having tried to pass it to Taako on instinct, she was fine. 

When the next week she was locked in the lab late at night, and she started asking Barry about a theory and was met only with silence, she was fine. 

She could get _through this._ She kept telling herself that, she needed to do this. She wouldn’t let herself get overwhelmed with despair. Whenever it got too quiet she tried to spend time with the rest of her crew. She knew they were hurting from this too. It was a comfort, knowing that there were people she could rely on during this time. 

She managed for about two months pretty well. She didn’t talk about it, but everyone offered to listen whenever she needed to. She told them she would take them up on that offer if she needed it, but for now she just needed time. They accepted it all well enough, letting her have her space and her distractions and not pushing her one way or the other.

They knew she could do this. She was more than capable of handling herself, when she needed help she would ask for it. She didn’t need it yet. The others had told her about how Barry and Taako had both done on their own, and it wasn’t great. Barry had become isolated and listless without her and Taako around, and Taako had been dead in all but name. She loved her boys so much, and she couldn’t let herself collapse like that. She needed to keep herself together. 

She _needed_ to be strong for Taako. She _needed_ to pull her weight with Barry. 

Except- 

Except they weren’t here. 

They _weren’t here_ anymore, and Lup found herself startled to a halt in the middle of a hallway when that fully sunk in. She needed to be strong for Taako, but Taako was _gone_ and so was Barry so what was even the _fucking point?!_

Maybe she should’ve rushed to her room or something as soon as she had that thought. Instead though she found herself collapsing to the ground, sobs wracking her frame. 

She didn’t expect it all to break so suddenly. She really had been fine, but now she wasn’t and she was in the middle of the hallway bawling her goddamn eyes out because it took her _two fucking months_ to realize Taako and Barry were actually gone. 

“Lup? Oh gods, Lup are you okay?” She tried to get a hold of herself as Lucretia came running down the hall, kneeling at her side in obvious concern. She _tried_ at least, but she couldn’t get the tears to stop and when she attempted to speak all that came out was a choked sob. 

“It’s alright, I know it’s hard. Let it out,” Lucretia said, and there really wasn’t anything Lup could do but follow that advice. She had no idea how long she spent crying before she finally managed to pull herself together enough to speak. At least no one else had come by in this time, she didn’t want to worry them. 

“So, get this? Didn’t actually sink in that they’re _gone_ until just now. Not exactly my brightest moment, don’t tell Taako when he gets back” she laughed, still crying somewhat despite it. Lucretia nodded, and she didn't look like she was judging her or anything, which yeah. Lup wouldn’t have expected her to do that. 

“It’s hard for it to feel real, when everyone always comes back in the end,” Lucretia said, which yeah, that definitely rang true. 

“I think I’m good now, just needed a good old cry about it, ya know? I’m gonna go rest for a bit, okay. Power nap the funk away,” Lup said, pushing herself back up to her feet. Lucretia looked skeptical, which considering the complete goddamn breakdown she’d found her in was understandable. Eventually she seemed to let it go though, giving Lup a pat on the shoulder.

“Alright, but if you need to talk about it, please come to us. We’re still here,” she said, and Lup knew that. She knew she could rely on the rest of her family, she had to keep herself open so Taako could build his walls.

“Thanks Luce. I’ll- I’ll think about it. Right now I think I just want to talk to them, ya know?” she said, and at least it was the truth. Before Lucretia could respond Lup headed back towards the bedrooms. 

She meant to go to her room. Instead she made her way into Barry’s, grabbing one of his shirts and throwing it all, snagging her blanket and taking it with her as well. Was that weird? It was probably super weird. Ah well, Taako wasn’t here to make fun of her for it. 

She still didn’t head to her room after that, instead going to Taako’s and collapsing onto his bed. That one she felt was significantly less weird. Her and Taako still snuck into each other’s rooms to sleep whenever shit was particularly bad. Even if he wasn’t here right now she felt this counted as bad enough. She knew Taako would've felt the same way. 

Lup couldn’t tell if the last two months were worse than the first two months or not. She’d practically moved into Taako’s room, and she wore Barry’s robe instead of her own. It was cold as fuck on this planet anyway, and somehow having reminders of them around her made everything both better and so much worse. No one pressed her on these things, which she appreciated. 

She wasn’t entirely sure if her coping was healthy or not, and she wasn’t feeling all that up to figuring it out. 

When the year finally came to an end, she was more than ready to leave this place. They had the light, and sometimes on the populated worlds Lup would stay around as long as possible in order to fight and protect what she could. She found herself staying on the ship this time. 

They were leaving, she was okay, she was getting them back now. They were coming _back_ now, so she had to be strong. 

She was rebuilt with a hand already on her brother, Barry close enough that she could and did grab onto him as well as soon as she was able to move. 

“Goddamn you two, try and be a little more careful next time? Like, do you have _any idea_ how shitty it is being on your own?” she asked, joking because of course they both knew what it was like. She could joke though because they were back and she was okay and that was all that mattered. 

“Yeah we don’t got a single clue do we?” Taako said, sarcasm clear in his voice. 

“Sorry, that one was on me,” Barry said. 

“Shut it Barold, pretty sure the asshole who killed us was the one to blame there” Taako argued. Fuck, Lup thought she knew how much she missed them, but apparently it was more than she even imagined. 

“Glad you’re back,” she said, not making any move to let go of them. She wasn’t planning on letting go of either of them for a while. 

She wasn’t planning on letting this happen ever again, to any of them.

The three of them weren’t supposed to be separated like that.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i finally got around to finishing this off. I meant to do this a lot sooner but i think nanowrimo came up and then i started writing candlenights stuff and i've finally gotten through all of that and remembered i had to write Lup being sad this time. So here is lup being sad. it's fine though because after this they don't end up in a situation with two of them dead before lup and barry become liches and then, of course, the three of them are _never separated again in their entire lives._
> 
> as always, thanks for reading and I hope you enjoyed!


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